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International News

 

Oct. 29, 2005

Christian Jihad Celebrates 200th Martyr

 

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The Onion

The Christian Jihad celebrated its 2000th martyr in Iraq yesterday with prayers, flag waving and shouts of "We have no president but George!"

Christian Jihad leader, George W. Bush, announced, "We must honor the fallen martyrs by staying the course, in pursuing the Muslim infidels. A leadership is a place where staying the course!"

Christian Jihad propagandist, Pat Robertson, reminded followers that "God has chosen George Bush to lead the final battle between the Christian Americans and the Muslim infidels who stand between us and our oil. This is the final battle between good and evil. When it comes to assassinating the Muslim leaders, God says we should go and do it." Robertson continued by saying, "This is the type of Christian sacrifice that makes our economy the strongest in the world.

Executives at Halliburton and the major oil companies supported the Christian Martyrdom Celebration by asking their employees to attend a prayer breakfast / Republican fund raiser.

Spokesperson for the secular branch of the Christian Jihad, Rush Limbaugh, said, "When the Soviets overran a country they always claimed that they were bringing freedom and democracy. Well the difference between us and them is that we mean it!"


 
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